Genuineness

Sunday, October 14, 2012, 11:37 PM

Aye... I don't know why but i feel that i have changed over the course of 1 year. Changed for the worse ):

I'm getting nagged and scolded for stuffs more and more often so much so that i feel i deserve those naggings. Just having a bad attitude in doing things and getting emotionally weaakkkkk. No I'm not emo or anything. LOL. Just a little reflection of myself.

I thought that working in a stressful environment is a plus point for me because i'd be more motivated to be on pace with everyone else. But almost 10 months have passed and i think that wasn't what i achieved. Many times i have succumbed to stress, broke down and regretted all the decisions i have made. Complaining as if it changes anything. That never happened to me in the past 16 years of my life. I never felt so weak. I always felt that i was strong, I never ever cried over my academics results even if i failed my tests back then. But this year, I was so different. I wallowed in self pity for god knows how many times and sulk over my results even before they were out. I never studied so hard for a year end exam before yet I felt that i did the papers so badly, worse than my CTs. I can't help it but still feel uncomfortable in the new environment in this new phase of my life. I know right, i have really bad adaptation skills. :/

Even the way i treat my new friends is so different from before. I used to like to smile to most faces which i have seen around in the school before but now, i dont even say hi to my acquaintances whom i have talked to before. I'm not sure if its just the people i have met or I just appear too unfriendly for them to even look at me. I find it much more difficult to make friends here actually. Not because of the people but its just me myself. I find myself so much less enthusiastic in making friends or in maintaining the newly formed friendships. I just feel so sian everyday that i dont really feel like talking. Sometimes i just really try hard to laugh at jokes or smile to whatever people say. I hate myself for being so fake. I dislike myself for being so in-genuine.

I want to become a genuine person. I want to regain my enthusiasm towards my life and friends like before. I want to be able to have at least something to look forward to everyday when I wake up.

This is the change i aim to achieve from today.
Nothing much, but just to be able to live life more meaningfully and stop wasting any second sulking over how sucky my life is.

It's not gonna be easy. But when there's a will, there's a way!

Needa learn to live life, and love life - not on the surface, but genuinely.

Cheers! :)

Btw, RedBull Stratos is freaking cool! Mission to the edge of the space- Free falling for 5+ minutes and breaking the speed of sound. Felix is my new idol!! :D He just took off. Gonna pray for him please please come back safe! One great man who's willing to go an extra mile to push mankind's boundaries a little further. Felix Baumgartner- #Borntofly

"I want to break the speed of sound no matter what it takes. I am willing to go the extra mile." 
-Felix Baumgartner